Peter Pettigrew How & Why
by Emmy3
Summary: Peter Pettigrew talks about how and why he betrayed his friends... PG13 for a few words and some blood. please review


Disclaimer: Lily's friends are mine and the plot is mine don't waste your time suing me I have no money.  
  
Summery: Peter Pettigrew tells all....   
  
Peter Pettigrew  
  
Hi. I'm the betrayer of friends, the snivelling side kick, the rat, the all round 'how could I be such a bastard' guy better known to all my more intimate friends as Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail.   
We've got two major questions to get through How and Why. We'll deal with How first, just to get the facts straight.   
I was a nice person at school, not very clever but I was a Gryffindor brave, proud, loyal, true bla bla bla, shows you the sorting hat is a complete cock up. Getting involved with Voldemort wasn't, and I believe still isn't, hard. Some Slytherins were involved all ready, Lucius Malfoy for one.   
It's rather amusing to see how things go in circles Lucius Malfoy was the chief snake of Slytherin and of course Draco is now. Crabbe and Goyle were Lucius's lackeys back then and so their kids are Draco's Lackeys now.  
Anyway, Voldemort, yes, so I talked to people who put a word in for me and soon enough I was attending meetings regularly. After a year I was initiated, it was horrible I was subjected to the cruciatus curse and I couldn't scream if I did, death. If you withstood that then there you were blind folded and told were to go and what to do and you did it with out question disobey once and you failed and failure was death. The blindfold was then removed and a muggle child not more than 9 months old is brought to you, you have to kill it and you don't get the luxury of distancing yourself from it all with the killing curse you stick a knife into the child's stomach twist it and pull it out. Finally you drink some disgusting concoction the dark mark burns black on your arm and while you stare at it all at once a high hissing voice sounds in your head   
"Repeat after me, I am your servant. I recognise no other leader but you. I believe in no other cause but yours. I will do all you say. My master." So you repeat it and then everyone relaxes and some one gives you a drink, Deatheater initiations are just an excuse for everyone to have a party. I can honestly say I've never been more terrified in my life but it was worth it, I was in. I got trusted with bigger and more important things.   
Then one day Potter, Black and the other Potter were stupid enough to entrust me with 'the Secret'. I wish in some ways that they hadn't done it. If they'd not given it to me I couldn't have betrayed them and no one would have died that night. Why didn't they give it to the werewolf? He couldn't have been the spy, that much was obvious to any innocent bystander but suspicion drives a wedge into the best friendships and deepest loves. The werewolf was far to much in love with Black to have betrayed him, I also have reasons to believe that that is the reason Black himself wouldn't become the secret keeper. The werewolf must have been so cut up when he found out that Black had 'betrayed' him. Black was an idiot not to have trusted werewolf boy. To be loved like that, to love like that is wonderful but Blacks suspicion and mistrust is going to give them problems most of which are probably sorted out by now, they've had since the shrieking shack episode to get over it all.   
I didn't go with Voldemort that night, I made up all sorts of excuses as for why I didn't go and while all of those were logical the real reason, the one I didn't even admit to myself was, I couldn't see them die. I'll explain my friendship with them in 'why' which might explain why I was able to betray them in the first place. I don't expect empathy just understanding, the two, contrary to popular opinion, are not the same.  
  
So we've got How covered though I suspect that most of it wasn't news to you, now we'll deal with Why.  
Why did I get involved with Voldemort? The first and for most people I suppose the most important question. To help me explain I'll tell you something about my school life.   
So there are the three of them Potter, Black and Lupin. They formed the 'core' of the marauders. Then there was me, Frank Longbottom and Evans as she was then. Close to the centre but not really. I was closer to the centre than the other two because I had been a marauder since day one yet still I didn't count my self as one of the 'core' people, I was very rarely included in planning any of the adventures, I was included in the adventure but everything was decided for me and I didn't like it. Longbottom was a Gryffindor and a boy so he was in my loop and Evans was moved up a loop when she and Potter started dating seriously. On the next loop was Kait Daniels, Luciana Hunt, Rhiannon Tytla and Ciara Scott all of Lily's friends. Nice people - me and Hunt even dated for a while but the marauders was a guy thing really. The girls had their own clique and the Sidhe as they were known certainly pulled plenty of their own tricks.   
As I've mentioned Potter, Black and Lupin didn't go out of their way to make me feel included in their little games, rather most of the time I felt that they hated me and I still believe that today. If, I wonder, Black had been the one to do the betraying would Lupin have been so quick to his wand? I don't know but I think not. I don't think anyone really liked me, Frank may possibly have done so but I didn't like him, he was so annoying, over powering and tactless. I despair of people with no tact, they get on my nerves so much. Of course I told no one that was my big mistake possibly if I'd told someone this would never have happened but what do you do? go up to Potter or Black or Lupin and say,  
'Hey I think you hate me, I don't know why but it's just this feeling I get.' I'm sure that would have gone down well. Besides I think I was just as afraid of their conformation, to here them say that they did hate me would have been... at least when I didn't know there was still some room for 'maybe it's just me'. In class I wasn't as stupid as I looked. Everyone thought I was stupid because there was nothing I really excelled in but all my bloody year mates, they all had their subject the thing they did really well, for Potter it was Transfiguration, Evans got Charms, Longbottom got Herbology, Lupin for obvious reasons got DADA, Black got Care of Magical Creatures, Tytla got Potions, Daniels had Arithmancy, Hunt had Astronomy and Scott had Divination. Unwilling to split ourselves up we all took the same three extra subjects which was a pity really because I wanted to do Runes with which I possessed some skill but I was shy and had little or no friends outside my year. I think Voldemorts initiation did more for my strength of character than anything else to date. My school reports were filled with the same year after year, he could do better if he tried but I couldn't. I. Fucking. Couldn't. When my grades came through my mum and dad without fail would ask   
'what did James get?' and I would tell her and invariably, which ever of my year she asked after, at least 50% of their grades were better than mine and she would say  
'that's a shame, you'll have to try harder next term.' And I would grit my teeth and say   
'yes mother.' And they'd say   
'good boy.' And I went up stairs and hit something.   
Somedays I hated my friends, hated them for being cleverer than me, and better than me, and more confidant , and nicer, and well liked but mostly because they were completely happy with who they were. Sure sometimes one would say I wish I looked like that or I wish I could do that but they knew what they wanted to do, when they wanted to do it, they had a means of doing it, they would do it and they would like it. Not only was I not happy with who I was I didn't know what I wanted, when I wanted it, how I could do it, if I could do it or whether I would like it. Then at the point when I realised all of this the trap sprang. All the time it had been being prepared under me for the day I realised I didn't know what I was doing. Lucius had a task to scout for potential Deatheaters and I was a target. I don't know how he knew the time was right but after figuring out I didn't know what was going on I went for a walk in the grounds and there they were and he offered me something that at the time I couldn't refuse, a future. Sure it was slightly dodgy but he assured me I could go far and do great things, all I had to do was meet him in the great hall at 11 0'clock that evening. So from then on I was set, I was going to become a major Deatheater and I did.   
When I was made the Potters secret keeper I was very bloody annoyed because I had to give them up, I was a Deatheater. Sure they'd gotten on my nerves and most probably hated me, even worse, perhaps they pitied me but I had still been a marauder, shared in some good laughs, become an animagus with them and played with werewolf boy under the full moon. We were Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs soon to be Moony, Wormtail and Padfoot . I toyed briefly with the idea of telling some one but the Deatheaters are my family and friends, we watch each others backs, a betrayal of that magnitude would have been unthinkable so I gave them up. I could not protect them so now for unknown reasons I protect Snape, god he's a twisted fuck. I know he's Dumbledore's spy, come on I was at Hogwarts for twelve years with various Weasley's. I think Snape is still having difficulty with his loyalties. For example why has he not condemned me and saved Black? he could have told Dumbledore, I'm sure he knows that Black was never a Deatheater anyway he will soon so I'll protect his identity as long as he protects mine. I think that means time is running out for Snapey as a useful spy ah well. Unfortunately on that note I have to leave you,  
Ta Ta  
P.P  
(To my more intimate friends Peter Pettigrew, Wormtail)   
  
A/N: This is just something I've been wondering about for awhile. If you've got this far please leave me a note to tell me what you thought - ta ta E. 


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